Day 11

Sorry it's been so long since I posted.  We are really so busy and so exhausted every day.  And for a few days, I was not only physically exhausted, but also emotionally.  So it's been really hard for me to get on the computer and focus enough to write anything.  While Lin-lin seems to be adjusting to us just fine, I was having a difficult time at first.  I had a touch of PAD, or Post Adoption Depression.  If you're familiar with Post Partum Depression, then you have an idea what it is.  It happens to a lot of new adoptive mothers, but isn't talked about very much, because the mothers usually feel ashamed of their feelings.  I talked to our social worker and she assured me everything I was going through was perfectly normal.  Imagine you have spent years imagining your ideal adoptive child, then you see pictures of her and begin to add to the fantasy of what she is like.  You're so excited to finally meet her, and when you do, she is very different, and you realize although you feel love for her, she is still a stranger to you at this point.  She smells unfamiliar, she speaks a different language, and her personality is completely different than what you expected.  This is what I was going through those first few days, terrified that Shi Lin would never feel like my own child.  But after a few tearful phone calls to Beverley, our social worker, and following her advice, and mostly giving it all some time, I feel much more confident, and am so looking forward to getting my little girl home, watching her as she learns English, and settles into her new life with us. I am really starting to enjoy being here in China, especially now since we are in Guangzhou.  There are so many trees and the area is nice.  We've had some great tours , done a little shopping, and perhaps best of all, we're doing so much walking that Chip and I have lost some weight!  Yesterday we visited a Buddhist temple, visited a store where we got Shi Lin a traditional jade necklace, then we went to a grocery store.  The grocery store was really fun!  I loved picking out snacks to try.  In China, they love Pringles, and they have so many different flavors we don't have in the U.S.  We got crab flavor, which we haven't tried yet. Miles and Shi Lin are loving each other's company, and it's so good to see them play together.  She's  definitely a mama's girl right now, always asking for me to hold her, and calling for me when I leave the room or get out of her sight at all.  She has so much energy and can be very loud at times, which is testing my nerves, but she seems to be getting better lately, understanding better when we tell her to be quiet.   In spite of her energy, she goes to bed so easily, thank goodness!  They put a crib in our room, and as soon as we came in, she wanted in it.  So every night, when I say "Gai shui jale," ("Time for bed"), she climbs into the crib, we turn out the lights, and she lets out a few happy squeals, then sings a couple of songs (probably ones her foster mother sang to her), then goes right to sleep.  I'm so thankful bedtime is not a struggle. I'm missing everyone at home, and missing home, period.  China's nice, but I'm getting more and more homesick every day.  There is no place like home, and even more true for me right now, there's no place like home in the U.S.A.