The Joys of Waiting

While we are waiting for the news of when we can travel to get Hannah, sometimes I get a little impatient (well, maybe more than a little!). But other times I stop and think about that I need to actually enjoy this time, instead of just letting it go by with anxiety and impatience. I realize that I've only got, at the most, about two more months, to have things the way they are in our family right now, with just Chip, Miles and myself. Only two more months to be the mother of an only child. Only two more months to have so much one-on-one time with my son.

It's not that I'm saying once Hannah is here, that it will not be as good as it is now. It will be just as good, probably even better in a lot of ways. But it will be different. The dynamics of our family will change--forever. This is such a good and wonderful thing, but it will take some adjustment for all of us. While I love change, I can't help but feel a little saddened at the passing of a phase in our lives. I'm sure many parents feel this when they have their second child.

What I'm trying my best to do right now is to just soak up what life is like for us at this point. To consciously notice the way things are so that I'll remember this time fondly, instead of remembering all the stress and anxiety of waiting. This short time before we bring our daughter home matters. It matters a lot. It has helped me to live in the present, something I've known I needed to work on for a long time. I've been living concentrating on the future for many years. When Chip and I were engaged, all I could think about was getting married. After we said, "I do," all I could think about was buying a house. Then when we bought our house, I was still in college, so all I could think about was graduating. After graduation, all I could think about was having a baby. It seemed that every time we reached the next step, I was already on to obsessing over what was next. Rather than enjoying the milestone we had reached, my mind was elsewhere, in a time that hadn't come yet. How sad to work so hard for something, then not to enjoy it.

So here I am now, thinking so much about the future again. It's very hard not to think about our daughter, whom I already love so deeply. But I've realized that God chose her for us and is paving our path to her. We will get her at the right time, in God's time, so there's really no need to worry or stress over when it will be. It will come eventually. I'm so thankful that we don't have a 3-4 year wait like so many others do. But even when we were originally on the 3-4 year plan, I still had this attitude, and it would have been what had gotten me through that long wait.

I'm using this experience to remember to have patience when I'm waiting for something in my life, whatever it may be. To slow down and enjoy the present, and steal those precious moments with those I love the most. For this day shall never come again.