Our Journey to Hannah Claire

Blog Hackers

2011-10-06T04:44:00.000-07:00

They've done it again! If you've noticed some strange posts lately on my blog, they weren't from me. I was just as surprised as you to discover posts about repairing credit, etc. this morning, when someone commented on one of the posts. This is not the first time this has happened to me, and I immediately changed my login info.
Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. It's been so long since I've posted, I've needed to do an update! So here goes...
Things are still going great! We're homeschooling again, using the Charlotte Mason method, which I LOVE! Hannah is at times speaking full sentences, and we're working on learning the alphabet and numbers.
I started working from home again, this time as a representative with Miche, and am LOVING that as well, although it is a challenge to homeschool and work from home. But I'm learning to balance it.
We saw a specialist about reconstructing Hannah's left ear a few months back, and have another appointment next month to discuss it further. We're planning on scheduling her first surgery for January. We were told it will be about an 8-month process, which is WAY shorter than what we had expected! Once the reconstruction surgeries are over and Hannah's healed from them, then they can do the surgery/ies to open up her ear canal to hopefully restore normal hearing. I can't express how much what these surgeries mean to me for my daughter. Don't get me wrong, she lives a very normal life right now, with normal hearng in her right ear, but it's the little things that will change. Her speech is being affected by her hearing, so that should improve when it is restored. And things like being able to wear a pair of Disney Princess sunglasses is hard for Hannah, because her left ear is so little, it can barely hold them up.

She's mostly not self-conscious about the appearance of her ear, but children do ask her about it, and try to touch the skin tag on her jaw, which is related to the microtia, and she gets upset when they do. And I've already thought about the day when she wants her ears pierced. It would be difficult to pierce her left ear, and wearing earrings on it would only draw more attention to the fact that it’s different.
Hannah is absolutely beautiful the way she is right now, but I know she would eventually deal with confidence issues related to her ear. I hope I don’t sound like I have superficial and vanity concerns; I just want my daughter to live as normal a life as possible, and have the confidence it took me so long to find. I believe this surgery will be such a blessing for Hannah. I ask for your prayers in advance for her safety during the surgeries, and for the success of the surgeries, and for quick healing afterward.
That’s all for now! Here’s to praying that no one else hacks into my blog! It’s hard for me to believe people actually do things like that, but those unsolicited posts on my blog are proof. God Bless those of you who faithfully follow this blog. Until next time!

It's Been a Year!

2011-07-01T14:26:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness, I can’t believe how long it’s been since I posted on here! Things have been crazy for us since December, to say the least. We moved into a new house on January 15, then began remodeling our old house to rent it out. Miles started a new school and Hannah continued in Mother’s Day Out, which she LOVED. Chip was struggling with his job and desperately searched for months for a new one, which he did find, and will start in about a week and a half. But before he found it, he was depressed and it affected all of us. I also was still depressed, but miraculously came out of it, after about 10 months (thank you, God). Yes, I am finally out of that dark time that began last year, and it is wonderful! My brother’s wife had their baby last Thursday, and are temporarily staying with us. They’re going to rent our old house from us after we’re done working on it. So anyway, we have been busy, busy, busy!

We celebrated the one year anniversary of Gotcha Day in May. It’s so hard to believe it’s been
a year already! I was looking back the other day at some pictures of Hannah from last year, and she seemed so much smaller. Her language is improving, but she’s going to need some speech therapy. We went to see a specialist for her microtia a few months ago, and will be going back in about 3 more months to get things started for her reconstruction surgery.

Things are so much easier with Hannah after a year. She is still very energetic and loud, but she’s
not quite as destructive, and she’s learning to be polite and respectful. She loves Miles so much, and looks up to him. She wants to do everything he does, and gets excited about things because he is. Right now, Miles is into Bey Blades, so I had to get Hannah one too. They are getting along so well.

Hannah loves having my brother’s baby staying with us. She asks to see her a lot, and to hold her. She’s just fascinated by her. Having that baby around has been bittersweet for me. It brings feelings and thoughts to me that surround the fact that I didn’t get to have Hannah with me as a newborn, and that makes me sad. I wonder what things were like for her when she was so little like my niece, realizing there probably wasn’t anyone to hold her and talk sweetly to her all day, and no one to take their time with her while she slowly drank a bottle while going in and out of sleep. But it has also been good for me, almost like therapy. I kept the baby with me for two nights to give my brother and his wife a break, and I ended up LOVING it! It’s almost as if since I missed out on caring for Hannah as a newborn, I now have a chance to experience just a little bit of what it might have been like. Sometimes when I was holding her, I imagined what Hannah would have looked like at that age. I know she was just as precious and sweet. And I do take a little comfort in knowing that even if there was no one there to do all those things a mother does for her baby, God was there with my little girl, comforting and protecting her. He had to have been there, because Hannah is so well-adjusted and loving and happy, in spite of her past. I’m so thankful for that.

It has been a truly amazing year—full of sadness and despair, but also joy and thanksgiving, and life-changing in the best of ways. I am so thankful God chose me for this adoption journey. I look at Hannah every day and think what a miracle it is that I, of all people, went all the way to China to bring back a little girl to be my daughter. I never would have done it on my own, but did it because God told me to do it. He really does know best. I look forward to
all the future blessings he has in store for us with our daughter.

Now You're Home

2010-12-22T06:27:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe that this time last year we were wishing our little girl could be with us. It was our last Christmas with just one child, and I looked forward to a time when Miles would have a sibling to share all the excitement with, as only children can share with each other. Now that is a reality, and I am so thankful. It touches my heart to watch as Hannah discovers this holiday, from picking out and decorating our tree, to hearing Miles sing in his school Christmas program, to sitting on Santa's lap. Of course, she has no idea she'll be waking up in three days to find our Christmas tree surrounded by presents for her to open. I can't wait for that morning!

I've had so much fun Christmas shopping this year! I mean, I've bought presents for my nieces before, but this is different. This is for my own daughter, something that not too long ago I thought I would never have. It was such a pleasure to pick out all the little girly things, things I know I would have loved myself as a little girl. I can't wait to see the look on Hannah's face when she opens those presents!

I put together a slideshow to express how this past year has been for us, and how much it means to us to have our daughter with us for Christmas. I hope you enjoy it, and I know many who read this can totally identify with our family. Merry Christmas to all of you and, whether by birth or adoption, your precious children.

Breakthrough

2010-08-28T16:09:00.000-07:00

As I am writing this, something is happening in our house that I've dreamed about for years. And it's been going on for almost an hour straight. My two children are happily playing together! This is a real breakthrough for them. I mean, they've played together before, of course, but this time they've got a little storyline going, and they seem to understand each other pretty well. This is so welcome after three and a half months of a lot of fighting, and when they weren't fighting, Hannah was my shadow, which has been hard on me. Miles also was using what little Mandarin he knows to communicate with Hannah, in spite of my efforts to encourage him to speak English to her so she'd learn it quicker. He would also sort of just make up his own language sometimes, that sounded like Mandarin, but was really just jibberish. But the past week I've noticed he's started speaking to her in English, and as a result, she seems to be using more English herself.

Like I said, I've dreamed for years of having two children, and hearing the sounds of them happily playing. God has made that dream come true today. I know there will still be all the normal fighting, but I think today there has been a breakthrough, and it will only get better!

Here they are playing. They did completely mess up my bed, but it is so worth it for the harmony between the two of them!

Just look at them. I am the most blessed of mothers.

Our Laid Back Summer

2010-07-28T14:30:00.000-07:00

Today Hannah saw two of her water bottles on the counter and said, "Mommy! One, two!" I was so proud, and ran to her and gave her a big kiss. Later, I knocked my shin on the edge of the open dishwasher and cried out in pain. I asked her to kiss my bo-bo, which she did. I went back to the dishes, and Hannah ran to the bathroom and brought me back a band-aid. She is such a caring, sensitive person. And so precious.

Hannah's seems to be learning more and more English words. I believe now that in just a few months, she'll be speaking so much and so clearly, you won't be able to tell she wasn't here in the U.S. all her life. She recently started to say "hurt" instead of the Chinese word for it, and she says "cow" every time we get in the car. Speaking of cows, we went out this morning to the farm where we buy our organic eggs and raw milk, and she was making sure the whole way that we were indeed going to see the cows. She kept saying, "Mommy, cow!" And I kept reassuring her, "Yes, we are going to see the cows." Going to the farm has really helped her feel more comfortable around animals, and to learn their names. While she still doesn't want to pet any of them, she'll actually get down out of my arms and walk around sometimes, until one of the dogs or cats gets too close, and then she's climbing me. I think a few more trips will take care of that fear.

Miles and Hannah are growing closer and getting along better. Sometimes I'm so amazed at how quiet it is around here with two kids in the house. It's not all the time, of course, but those times I find them playing quietly together, or even just side-by-side on their toy laptops is so heartwarming. I love seeing my children connecting and growing in their sibling bond.

My sister and her family just recently met Hannah a couple of weeks ago. My sister had her baby while we were flying back from China, and we wanted to play it safe around her and wait until Hannah's blood test results came back. She has no illnesses, but she did have to get to immunizations, and is still being treated for giardia. She couldn't keep the antibiotics for it down, so we switched to a natural herbal treatment. We have two more weeks to go with that, then we'll do more stool samples to see if it did the trick. Please keep her in your prayers. As long as she has giardia, it will be hard for her to gain any weight.

We've been enjoying our laid-back summer. While there's nothing wrong with having lots of activities over the summer, we're loving just mostly staying home, getting to know each other better, settling into a routine. I'm feeling so much better lately, and am able to focus more on the things that are important, the little things. Like wrapping up Hannah in a blanket and holding her like a baby and talking to baby talk to her, sometimes even feeding her a water bottle full of milk. She asks me to do this every day now and LOVES it. I'm looking at picture books more with her, pointing to pictures and telling her what the objects and animals are called. And as I've said before, she loves to be in the kitchen with me, and I let her help as much as I can. All these are little things I just wouldn't have time for if we were scheduled to do activities most days. I feel so blessed to have this precious time with both of my children, and especially with Hannah, since she has missed out on so much already.

Brother and sister bonding.

At my sister's house with the new baby.

Miles and Hannah with their cousins.

Father's Day

The 4th of July at Mei-Feng Ayi's house.

Meeting one of her cousins.

Another one from the 4th. Hannah has no shortage of Ayis!

All My Heart

2010-07-22T18:04:00.000-07:00

I can honestly say now that I love Hannah so dearly. Of course, I loved her before, before I even met her. But after we got her, I was under so much stress and anxiety, and was dealing with depression as well, that it was so hard to feel the love I had for her. I'm so thankful to feel that love now.

Today was such a nice day. We stayed home all day, just Hannah, Miles and me. I got up in a good mood, and decided to make a conscious effort to concentrate on the kids and the house today. Yes, even though I'm a "stay at home mom," I don't always focus on domestic things, and I don't always spend as much time as I think I should with my kids. But today was different. I enjoyed making them a breakfast of scrambled eggs and biscuits. I did lots of laundry today, and Hannah helped me, which she loves to do. Later Hannah and I sat on the couch and looked through a couple of her picture books, one about animals and one about the world in general. It was nice to just take that time out with her and not feel like I needed to get up and go get something done around the house. After the books, I laid down with Hannah until she fell asleep for her nap. When she got up, we all three had cookies and milk for an afternoon snack. Before supper, Hannah asked to clean off the table and chairs, so I handed her my bottle of vinegar and water and a washcloth, and she happily went about her task. After that, she sat on the counter while I did dishes, then stood on a stool and stirred the food on the stove.

When Chip got home, we ate, then Chip took Miles to the store to spend some of his allowance on silly bands, so Hannah and I got some more one-on-one time together for about 45 minutes. She was crying when her baba and gege left, but she cheered herself up by brushing her teeth with her new electric Hello Kitty toothbrush. She probably used it ten times today, she loves that thing so much!

Hannah is learing so many new words lately. She now says "ok," " I love you, too," and "hurt," in addition to a few others. She understands so much, it's amazing! It's fascinating to watch this little girl who had never heard English words before she was 4 years old, now learning this new language, slowly dropping the Chinese words for the new English ones.

Looking at Hannah's face today, I felt so strongly, so clearly that God meant this little girl for us. To say she is special to me is such an understatement. She came to me in such a special way, and she has touched me in ways that have no words to be expressed. She is truly my daughter, and I love her with all my heart.

All About Hannah

2010-07-02T17:29:00.000-07:00

I wanted to take a moment to tell everyone about Hannah. Of couse I've talked about her in previous posts, about how she's doing, etc, but haven't really gone into detail about her personality. So here goes...

Hannah is one of those kids who rarely sits still. She can also be loud, really loud at times. When she gets excited, she loves to scream, those high-pitched kind of screams that feel like their going to pierce my eardrums. She loves to come and tell me about things she and her ge ge (big brother) are doing, and she has the most adorable way of using hand gestures and mumbling with a few words thrown in to tell me all about it. As the original description we read of her stated, she does love to be held. So I hold her as much as I can. Sometimes on the couch while she watches TV (which usually doesn't last too long, because, as I said before, she rarely sits still), sometimes at the table while she eats, and other times I carry her around as I do things in the kitchen.

Speaking of the kitchen, she loves to spray my cleaning solution of water and vinegar on the table, and then wipe it down for me. She also has a little hand broom that she likes to sweep up crumbs from the floor with. And she loves to stir ingredients when I bake. Hannah is definitely Mommy's little kitchen companion. Any time I'm in there, she wants to be there too. She even sits on the counter next to the sink while I do dishes.

Hannah likes to help me fold laundry, and then she puts up her own clothes! She also likes to load the washer and dryer. It's these little things, her helping me in the kitchen and with laundry, that make me look forward to the future when she is older and even more able to help me with things around the house. It's not only the help, though. It's the idea that I'll be able to share these with my own daughter, and pass on things I love like cooking and baking. And most importantly, we'll be building a bond while we do these things together. I am so blessed to have this little girl in my life.

Whenever Hannah gets hurt, and even if she's not really hurt, she says, "Ow!" and runs straight to me for a kiss on the boo-boo. I give her the kiss, and she's fine. It makes me feel so good that she finds comfort in that. That she knows that I am her mother and can make everything ok. I'm so thankful she doesn't seem to have any of the bonding issues I've heard of other older children having. She is now so confident in situations, such as the playground. She has no problem running off and playing, but every few minutes she comes back to check in with her Mommy. And she has started to call me "Mommy," instead of the Chinese "Ma-ma," she started out with. I just love that!

Hannah and Miles are getting along better lately. It is such a joy to see them play harmoniously together! One of the sweetest things to see them do is when Hannah asks Miles to hold her. So he picks her up and carries her for a few steps, then they both fall on the couch laughing. They repeat this over and over and it's so fun to watch because they're having so much fun! Of course, there is still fighting at times (Hannah hits Miles now and then), and neither one likes to share their toys with the other. But these things are just normal sibling issues, so I'm not too worried about them. I have a good feeling the two of them will grow up to be very close.

While Hannah can be very loud and even whiny at times (what 4-year-old isn't?), she is very sweet. She tries to sing along when I sing lullabyes at night, and she even makes up her own songs featuring all of our names. She is such a precious girl.

Days with Hannah

2010-07-01T19:14:00.000-07:00

We're all doing even better than last time I posted. I've been seeing a therapist to deal with my anxiety and according to her, I may have been lightly depressed for many years. I knew my anxiety was bad, but I was always able to get to a point where I could control it, and didn't really think I suffered from depression. But I think my therapist may be onto something. She suggested I go see my doctor and get a prescription for a mild anti-depressant. I've never taken anything like this in my life, so I was a little skeptical, but was willing to try anything right now to get a handle on my irritability, especially around the kids. So I did as she suggested, and it has made a huge difference! Of course, the stress is still there, but I'm able to handle it better than before, losing my cool less and less, which I am so thankful for.

So now that I'm able to put aside some of the anxiety and depression, I'm much more able to enjoy my new life with Hannah. She is so adorable, her sweet little face, the way she moves around when she's in a silly mood, like a little monkey, her baby-Mandarin, and her baby-English. She's such a wonderful little girl, and I'm so thankful I can see it now.

Hannah is learning new words, such as "potty." She used to say the Chinese word for potty, but now she uses the English word. She says "Amen," as soon as she sits down at the table to eat, because she knows we're about to ask the blessing. I'm trying to teach her the alphabet, without much luck yet, but she loves to look at the flashcards I made her. Her progress is slow, but I'm giving her all the time she needs to catch up with other 4-year-olds. Luckily, we homeschool, so I'm able to let her go at her own pace.

Hannah's stool sample results came back and she has giardia, which is an intestinal bacteria which many times goes away on its own, but we're getting a prescription to treat it. We still haven't gotten back her blood results.

Miles and Hannah are getting along better than when we first got home. They're still learning to share and getting used to having a sibling, but there are times when they play so well together. They'll even run into their room and close the door, and I can hear them giggle and scream with laughter. It does my heart so much good to hear that.

My love for Hannah grows every day. Yesterday, while I was on the couch trying to take a little nap, she came to me, kissed me on the cheek, and said "I love you." Who couldn't love that.

Here are a few photos from since we've gotten home with Hannah:

The kids love to play between the couch and the wall, you'd think it was a playground!

Hannah is Mommy's little helper. That girl LOVES to clean!

Hannah with a friend of ours from Taiwan, Hannah's "Mei Feng Ayi".

The above photo is one of my absolute favorites!!! She reminds me so much of Rainbow Brite's friend, Patty O' Green, with her pigtails, mini-skirt and boots! For a while she even had band-aids on her knees, just not on that particular day.

I almost don't need words for the next two photos. I am completely convinced that I have the most beautiful daughter this world has ever seen. Of course, I know I'm biased, but come on, look at that face! Gorgeous.

So Much Better

2010-06-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

We are really settling in now and finding our new normal. Of course, I'm still learning how to deal with the added stress of having two kids versus one, but it is definitely so much better. Hannah is starting to say more English words, mostly when repeating what we say, but she did ask for bubbles in her bath the other day by saying, "bubble"! She understands a lot of what we say, and follows directions well, although she does have meltdowns quite a bit when she wants one of Miles's toys or can't quite get us to understand what she's telling us in Chinese. I know it will all get better as time goes by and Hannah learns to speak more English.

I took Hannah to her first doctor's appointment week before last and the hearing in her right ear was tested and was found to be normal, to our delight! We'll be making another appointment with a craniofacial doctor to evaluate her microtia and give us an idea of treatments available for her. We're not in a big hurry, though, because at this point we think it will mostly be cosmetic treatments to give her left ear and face a more normal appearance. There could be a possibility of improving her hearing in her left ear too, but she seems to function so normally with good hearing in one ear, that we're not too worried about it.

Last week I completed the last of gathering stool samples from Hannah. Boy was that fun! :( The doctor said this would be to check for parasites. I'll be dropping them off tomorrow at the lab and while we're there we'll have her blood drawn and they'll check to make sure her vaccinations are good and check for other various things. As of her appointment, she weighs 27 pounds and is 38 1/2 inches tall. She is very skinny for her height, but she eats a whole lot, so hopefully she'll catch up soon.

These days we spend a lot of mornings at the playground before it gets too hot, then late afternoon, the kids play on their Slip 'n Slide. Last weekend we also got them a little pool, which they love. They like to eat popsicles outside and to blow bubbles. I've got plans for other things for us to do this summer, like library story times and trips to the beach area at the lake, things where we can all stay cool.

More photos to come soon!

Two Weeks Home!

2010-06-05T18:09:00.000-07:00

Today we've been home with Hannah two weeks! And what a two weeks it's been! The first week was really hard; one of the hardest of my life in fact, but last week it got easier. Now I feel so much better, it's amazing. Everyone said give it some time, and they were right. I’m starting to get used to Hannah being here, and more importantly, I’m so glad she’s here! As I told our social worker, I can feel the love creeping in.

Chip’s mother is here this weekend, so I only have time for a quick post and a few pictures from our first two weeks home. I just got all the pictures on my computer last night, so on a later post, I’ll share more pictures from our time in China.

Showing Hannah her room when we first got home:

A Wonderful Day

2010-05-29T17:52:00.000-07:00

I just wrote the last post this morning, and felt moved to write again tonight. I had a wonderful day, the best so far since we came home! Chip was home since it was Saturday, so that helped, and I just felt more relaxed today with Hannah. We spent the morning around the house, just spending time with the kids, then headed two blocks from our house to Dairy Queen for lunch. When we got home, we got Hannah down for a nap and then a friend of mine picked me up to go see a movie. It was so nice to get out of the house with no kids and escape responsibility for 2 hours! We saw Letters to Juliet, which was a good movie. I love to watch movies set in Italy, so I really enjoyed it.

I came home to two happy kids and a tired husband. I am so thankful to have Chip. My anxiety has been hard on him, and he's willing to do anything for me to help me get through this. We had supper and then got the kids ready for bed. Our bedtime routine was when some things different and very hopeful happened. For the first time, Hannah actually paid attention to the stories, and also sat beside her brother in my lap without complaining that she was having to share me with him! It was so nice! Just the way I'd always imagined it. Then, even better, she was mostly quiet during the prayer, then listened and fell asleep as I sang lullabies. Wow. It touched my heart so much, and eased some of my anxiety over whether or not this would all work. We are only at one week home, and Hannah has already settled in enough to enjoy her new bedtime routine. I am so blessed.

I know not every night will go this smoothly, but I do know that many will. I've been praying to feel God's presence lately during my struggles, and today I did. I know He's there, and He's telling me it will all be alright.

Home One Week

2010-05-29T05:44:00.000-07:00

Today it has been one week since we got home with Shi Lin. We are now making an effort to get her used to her new name by calling her "Hannah Lin-lin," and it seems to be working. Sorry I haven't written since day 13 in China. The trip was really rough for me, physically and emotionally, and I didn't have much time to get online.

In my last post I said I was over the Post Adoption Depression/Anxiety, but shortly after, I found that was not the case. It still comes and goes, but I do think it's getting better. It is something that has completely caught me off guard, as it does with so many new adoptive mothers. I was so excited to meet my daughter, and when it turned out to be nothing like what I expected, I panicked. When I'm down, it is a really dark time for me. When I'm up, I'm not as positive as I wish I was, but I can see little glimmers of hope. Everyone assures me that with time, everything will change and I will settle into my new "normal" life. Letting go of my old life has been extremely hard for me, and at times I focus on it so much that I feel like I'm ready to give up. But then I can see enough of reality to know that things will get better, and in time I will feel the love for my daughter and not be able to imagine life without her.

I debated on whether to discuss this subject. I don't want to discourage anyone from adopting, particularly older children. But the fact that I've never read a blog entry about PAD made me determined to talk about it, to hopefully help prepare other mothers of the possibility of it happening to them, that it is normal, and that they are not alone if it does. On most blogs, post-adoption life seems so rosy, so ideal, and maybe it is for many, maybe for those who are posting. Maybe those with PAD just aren't the ones posting, and if they are, they feel ashamed and guilty about their feelings so they hide them. I hope that mothers of newly adopted children suffering from PAD will read my blog, maybe someone who would not have even known they could get help otherwise, will reach out to others for support and know that everything will be ok. I have two friends who have been so supportive of me, I don't know what I would have done without them. These are new friends of mine; I met each of them only months before we went to China. They each have a child from China and completely identify with me. They have reached out with so much love and understanding, to say I'm touched is such an understatement. I owe these women so much.

One of my friends has a therapist for both herself and her daughter and she says she's helped them so much. I've asked for her contact information and I'm going to call her Monday morning and see if I can get in to see her. I want so much to feel positive about my new life and my new daughter. Hannah really is a beautiful little girl, both in and out. She is doing amazingly well, and doesn't seem to have some of the problems other parents describe about their newly-adopted children. She goes to bed easily in her own bed, sleeps through the night, eats well, and seems to have a healthy attachment to me and Chip. So it's not her fault that I'm going through PAD. There is a side of me that is still excited to have her home, that looks forward to her learning more English so we can communicate better. A part of me that can't wait for things like ballet classes and Girl Scouts, and trips to the salon together.

As I was typing this post, Hannah woke up and I heard her voice calling me. I felt much better than I normally do when I hear that, and I cheerfully went to her room and greeted her with "good morning." Right now I feel so positive. I know there will be tough, trying times. But I know I can get through it with support from my friends and family, and ultimately, God. Please keep us all in your prayers at this time of transition in our family.

P.S. I'll post more pictures when I get the chance. They're all still on the cameras and Chip's notebook computer! :)

Day 13

2010-05-18T23:10:00.001-07:00

Just a quick update: I'm happy to say I'm over the Post Adoption Depression or Post Adoption Anxiety, or whatever it was. I'm seeing things much more clearly now and can't wait to get Shi Lin back home and settled in!

We're enjoying our stay here in Guangzhou, but I'm so ready to be back in my house with more space. Being cramped in this hotel room with two kids is starting to drive me crazy!

My sister is scheduled to be induced on Friday while we're flying back home, so please keep her and her new baby in your prayers.

Day 11

2010-05-17T02:46:00.001-07:00

Sorry it's been so long since I posted. We are really so busy and so exhausted every day. And for a few days, I was not only physically exhausted, but also emotionally. So it's been really hard for me to get on the computer and focus enough to write anything. While Lin-lin seems to be adjusting to us just fine, I was having a difficult time at first. I had a touch of PAD, or Post Adoption Depression. If you're familiar with Post Partum Depression, then you have an idea what it is. It happens to a lot of new adoptive mothers, but isn't talked about very much, because the mothers usually feel ashamed of their feelings. I talked to our social worker and she assured me everything I was going through was perfectly normal. Imagine you have spent years imagining your ideal adoptive child, then you see pictures of her and begin to add to the fantasy of what she is like. You're so excited to finally meet her, and when you do, she is very different, and you realize although you feel love for her, she is still a stranger to you at this point. She smells unfamiliar, she speaks a different language, and her personality is completely different than what you expected. This is what I was going through those first few days, terrified that Shi Lin would never feel like my own child. But after a few tearful phone calls to Beverley, our social worker, and following her advice, and mostly giving it all some time, I feel much more confident, and am so looking forward to getting my little girl home, watching her as she learns English, and settles into her new life with us.

I am really starting to enjoy being here in China, especially now since we are in Guangzhou. There are so many trees and the area is nice. We've had some great tours , done a little shopping, and perhaps best of all, we're doing so much walking that Chip and I have lost some weight!

Yesterday we visited a Buddhist temple, visited a store where we got Shi Lin a traditional jade necklace, then we went to a grocery store. The grocery store was really fun! I loved picking out snacks to try. In China, they love Pringles, and they have so many different flavors we don't have in the U.S. We got crab flavor, which we haven't tried yet.

Miles and Shi Lin are loving each other's company, and it's so good to see them play together. She's definitely a mama's girl right now, always asking for me to hold her, and calling for me when I leave the room or get out of her sight at all. She has so much energy and can be very loud at times, which is testing my nerves, but she seems to be getting better lately, understanding better when we tell her to be quiet. In spite of her energy, she goes to bed so easily, thank goodness! They put a crib in our room, and as soon as we came in, she wanted in it. So every night, when I say "Gai shui jale," ("Time for bed"), she climbs into the crib, we turn out the lights, and she lets out a few happy squeals, then sings a couple of songs (probably ones her foster mother sang to her), then goes right to sleep. I'm so thankful bedtime is not a struggle.

I'm missing everyone at home, and missing home, period. China's nice, but I'm getting more and more homesick every day. There is no place like home, and even more true for me right now, there's no place like home in the U.S.A.

Day 5 and More Photos!

2010-05-12T23:56:00.001-07:00

Ok, I posted this yesterday morning but it didn't go through somehow, so I'm trying again:

Today we signed all the paperwork to make Shi Lin legally ours!!!

We went afterward to a restaurant that specializes in dumplings, and they were delicious! We also got to go to the hospital where Shi Lin was found when she was two days old. The hospital had been remodeled, but we got to see where the original pediatrics area was where she was found, and also the new one, which they said is very similar to the old one.

Today we also went to the police department to apply for Shi Lin's passport. While we were waiting, the women around us were delighted to have us there among us. They continually said "piao lian," which means beautiful or handsome, about Miles and Shi Lin. One lady gave us a bag of candy for the kids, and another told us that China loves us. Their response to us was so touching to me.

So now we are getting lots of attention, not only because we're westeners, but because we're westerners with a Chinese child. Veronica is going to give us a piece of paper explaining that we adopted her, in case we decide to go out without her.

I finally had a chance to resize some of the photos to post. For some reason, it seems here in China you can only attach small file sizes to emails, which is why I only posted 2 photos yesterday. So here are a few from the trip, including us with our guide in Beijing, Grace.

We had a great time with Shi Lin yesterday, and she was even easy to put to bed and fell asleep very quickly! And she slept all night. I slept in one bed with her, Chip and Miles in another, and although she seemed to sleep very soundly, she moved around A LOT. I had to keep moving her over so I could have enough room! J When I woke up in the morning, the room was still dark, but I could faintly see her sleeping face. It was so precious. I've always loved just watching Miles's face while he's sleeping, and I already love watching Shi Lin's too.

In a few days, we plan to have Veronica explain to Shi Lin about her new American name. We'll have her tell her that she will have a new name, and that we still love her Chinese name and will still call her that too. In fact, we're already calling her the nickname her foster family called her, "Lin-lin."

Shi Lin continues to be so happy and doesn't seem to be having any problems adjusting to her new family and situation. I thank God all the time for this blessing. He has been so good to all of us.

Day 4: Gotcha Day!!!

2010-05-10T03:49:00.001-07:00

At around 9:30 this morning, we got Shi Lin!!! I began to get nervous and emotional, already holding back tears as we entered the civil affairs office. When we walked into the office where she was, oh my goodness, I couldn't believe I was actually seeing her in the flesh! I went in there to her and knelt down and said "nihao," as she just stared us silently with a confused look on her face. Our guide told her who we were and when I pulled out the framed photo of us, she seemed to understand we were the ones in the photo. When Miles gave her the Bitty Baby doll, she took it immediately and her face just lit up! She clung to it the rest of the time we were out. It took several minutes for us to fill out some paperwork, and Miles started acting silly for her while she cracked up. It was exactly as I had imagined it would be between the two of them.

We had to go to a couple of other places, including one where we got Shi Lin's passport photo taken, and we also got one taken with her, Chip and I for another document. She was so quiet in the van as I held her so close next to me.

Back at the hotel, Shi Lin immediately noticed Miles's Leapster and reached for it, so I pulled out hers, and she loves it! She sat on the bed and played games with her ge ge (big brother), and later ate Whales crackers and drank water from her Hello Kitty water bottle. She never cried or seemed like she didn't want to be there with us. In fact, a few minutes ago, she came up to me while I was typing and said "ma ma." My heart melted and I pulled her onto my lap. And she keeps coming back from time to time to say ma ma or to ask me to do something , like put her hair in ponytails. So needless to say, this post is taking a long time to type, but that's fine with me. Shi Lin needs all the time she can get with us, and we need all we can get with her.

Shi Lin is just what I expected and more: happy, laughs a lot, and has an adorable silly side. Not to mention she's even more beautiful in real life than in the photos we had of her before we got to China. She has taken to all of us so quickly and easily, always asking me "bao bao" (pick me up), climbing onto our laps, and telling me when she needs to go to the potty. She already fits in so well with us. All of this in just a few short hours. I know with absolute certainty that this is the little girl God has led us to. We will go and sign the paperwork tomorrow that will make Shi Lin legally ours in the eyes of the Chinese government. I'm looking forward to making it official!

We're in China!!!

2010-05-09T05:47:00.000-07:00

We are in China! I had planned to post a little each day we were here, but that was before I knew just how busy we would be, and how exhausted. Today is the first chance I've had to sit down and think about posting. So here's a summary of our trip so far:

Day 1: Chip and I got up at 1 am on Thursday and finished up last-minute packing. We got Miles up at 3, then the shuttle arrived at 4. We arrived at the airport with plenty of time to have some breakfast before getting on the plane to San Francisco. In San Francisco, we met another couple traveling to China to adopt their second child. I also saw two or three more couples later on the flight to Beijing who were doing the same, though none of them were with our agency.

The flight to Beijing from San Francisco took about 12 hours. Miles was such an angel on the flight, and has been on the rest of the trip too. I just imagined that as a 6 year old, he would be whining and complaining and asking to go home, but amazingly that has not happened. He sat quietly on the first flight for a while, soaking the experience in, I think. Then he colored in his coloring book. On the Beijing flight, we surprised him with the Leapster we had bought just for the trip. He absolutely loves it, and it has kept him occupied and happy.

On Friday evening we arrived in Beijing. Our flight had been delayed and we were the last family to join our group. We met our guide, Grace, who has such an outgoing personality, and is a little bit of a comedian. She is also just about the most lovely Chinese woman I have ever seen. She's in

We were also introduced to Chinese drivers and traffic we had heard so much about. Believe me, it's true! There seem to be no rules on the road. Our driver weaved in and out , honking any time cars or pedestrians were in his way. We came so close to some pedestrians sometimes, it really made me nervous, but the pedestrians themeselves were unphased. It's so normal for them.

After we got to the hotel, the Poly Plaza, we went up to our room and Chip went down with our guide to a grocery store, and later he went and got McDonald's food for us for supper. I'd heard that even the McDonald's food tastes different than in the U.S., but I couldn't tell any difference.

Day 2: We got up early on Saturday and ate breakfast at the buffet restaurant in the hotel. It was an interesting mix of western and eastern style food. I had pancakes with syrup that seemed a little like honey mixed with something else maybe, a boiled egg, bacon, and a bowl of raisin bran. They had things like vegetables and fish out too, which didn't seem very appetizing to me for breakfast, so I stuck to things that were familiar to me.

Around 9 am, we met Grace and our group and boarded the bus headed for The Forbidden City. On the way, Grace taught us a few Mandarin phrases, such as "bu yao", which means "don't want." She taught us this because she said we will come across a lot of street vendors trying to sell us things. And sure enough, just as the bus finished parking there were people waiting outside the door waiving caps with "Beijing" embroidered on them and t-shirts, and other products. As soon as we got off the bus, a man offered Miles a toy, and being only 6, he took it. Chip immediately handed it back and used the phrase Grace had just taught us.

Seeing the Forbidden City was so awesome. Chi p and I had watched the movie, The Last Emperor , last week, which was actually filmed there on location, and it was amazing to see the actual places from the film, and also to think that the real emperors used to live there. If you haven't seen the movie and will be going to Beijing soon, I highly recommend seeing it before you go.

After the Forbidden City, we headed across the street to Tian An Men Square. It was really neat to see this place in person after seeing it on TV so many times. From the square, you can see the front gate of the Forbidden City, which has the portrait of Chairmen Mao on the front.

Then we went to a jade workshop, where we got a tour of their jade art gallery. After the tour, we got to see jade pieces that were for sale, and I was so excited to see the very pieces I had dreamed about getting on this trip, little figurines of the Chinese zodiac! So we got an ox for Chip, a rabbit for me, a monkey for Miles and a dog for Hannah. I am so excited about these! I can't wait to get home and display them on a little ledge on the wall.

We went out to lunch at a restaurant that was very oriented to westerners, but also had a few authentic Chinese dishes. We sat at a round table, and all the food was put on a huge lazy susan, and you just turn it and get what you want. I liked most of what I tried of the Chinese food, although I didn't care for what looked like egg drop soup. The beef with onions and bell peppers was very good, and the sweet and sour fish was good too.

The restaurant was in the building of a place that specializes in making cloissone items. Cloissone is a method using copper to make designs on the surface of an object, filling it in with color, then putting a shiny enamel over it. You've probably seen vases in this style. We ended up getting a few Christmas ornaments there, a panda for Hannah, a cat for me, a fish for Chip and a traditional knot-style one for Miles, which he picked out himself.

Next, we headed to the Great Wall. On the way, what was mostly flat land suddenly gave way to beautiful, jagged mountains. Now this is what I was thinking China would look like, I thought. When we got to the Great Wall, we realized the part we would be climbing was incredibly steep and that each step is very high, so we didn't make it very far. But still, we can now say we have stood on the Great Wall of China!

An interesting thing happened for the first time while on the Great Wall. We had been told that since Miles and I had blonde hair, people would want to stop and take pictures of us. Well, they didn't seem to care at all about me, but several people stopped and asked if they could pose with Miles while we take their picture. Many people passing by would look at him and smile. They just thought he was so cute! One teenage girl, after having her picture taken with him, knelt down and pinched his cheeks! It was adorable!

Beijing Olympics, you'll be familiar with those. We only saw them from a distance, but they were impressive nevertheless. We went back to the hotel and just ate snacks we had brought with us, then we all crashed.

Day 3: After an exhausting day yesterday, we all had to get up early again and have our luggage ready for pickup at 5:20 am. We rushed to the airport and our flight left around 8. We arrived in Changchun after only an hour and a half, then it took us about an hour to get to our hotel. On the way, our new guide, Veronica, talked some with us about how things will be tomorrow when we pick Hannah. She said to expect a lot of crying and her testing us, and that our body language will be very important when dealing with her, to show her that we love her.

After arriving at the Jixiang Hotel, Chip and I took a nap while Miles colored and played on his Leapster. Then we met Veronica downstairs and took a walk through the streets of Changchun. At first, we were in a part of town that was pretty quiet and went inside a fruit and vegetable market to look around. There were just a few people here and there, but later we came to a shopping area, which was very crowded and loud. This was our first experience dodging traffic in a Chinese city, and I have to say, it was a little scary, but we stayed close to Veronica, and she was so good about making sure we crossed streets safely. Then we came to a grocery store, and it was nothing like any grocery store I've ever been to. It had 3 stories, so it had a flat angled escalator that you can ride up and down on with your cart. And the people with their shopping carts were a lot like those driving cars, expecting other people just to get out of their way, no kidding! J

So here we are now, the evening before we finally meet our daughter. It is more real now than ever, and not only am I excited, but nervous as well. I know it will more than likely be hard for Shi Lin, and I hope that Chip and I can be what she needs to help her adjust and bond with us.

I really didn't mean for this post to get so long, but so much has happened and it's hard not to tell it all! And I didn't even tell it all; I'd need to write an entire book to do that! J

Please keep us in your prayers for tomorrow. We'll probably be meeting Shi Lin around 10 am China time, 9 pm U.S. Central Time. So before you go to bed on Sunday night, please say a little prayer for our family.

Hopefully, my next post will have pictures of us with Shi Lin!!!

P.S. I had planned to post pictures on this post, but for some reason, I can't get it to work. I'll see if Chip can figure it out before my next post.

It's Almost Time!!!

2010-05-05T15:08:00.001-07:00

We are leaving tomorrow morning, so obviously we are finishing up packing and running around making sure we don't forget anything. I thought I'd take a few minutes away from all the commotion to do a quick post. I'm also testing again to make sure posting to my blog via email will work.

I went to bed late last night, then got up really early, about 4:45. I just couldn't go back to sleep, so excited about tomorrow and wanted to get an early start on finishing up everything. So I've spent all day long packing, finishing up the last bit of laundry and cleaning the house. That is one thing I'm making sure of; that we don't come back home to a messy house. I want to walk back in and feel a sense of peace.

I've included photos of what our packing looked like last night. It has literally taken over our living room!

Last night I was really anxious, not quite as much this morning, but a little while ago, that good excitement kicked in! You know, like the kind you had as a kid on Christmas morning, waiting to open your presents. I mean, I felt like jumping up and down and crying happy tears, I was so excited! To know that tomorrow I'll be up in the air, on my way to my precious angel! I can't think of many things that are more exciting than that!

If I have a chance in the morning before we leave, I'll post one last time. Then I'll be posting again as soon as I can once we arrive in China.

My Prayer for You

2010-05-03T19:06:00.000-07:00

Aside from this blog, I also keep other personal journals offline. I've kept one for my son since I got pregnant with him, then continued after he was born. Writing ever so often about little things he was doing at each stage. Little things I never wanted to forget. Also how I felt about him and the things he would do, how much I loved him. I started one for Hannah sometime after we decided to adopt, writing about how I feel about where we are in the process, how much I loved her even before I saw pictures of her, and how excited I am now to see her soon. I don't normally share what I write in these journals, but I feel impressed to share an excerpt tonight:

My prayer for you at this very moment, my darling, is that they did not take you from your foster parents and put you in the orphanage this past week or any time before we come for you. I pray that right now you are in your foster parents’ home, perhaps eating breakfast or a mid-morning snack, and that you are happy. I hope that they have been talking to you about your new family, and how much we love you, and that it’s a good thing for you to go with us. I don’t want you to be afraid to go with us, but I completely understand if you are. I will cry with you when you leave your foster family, and I’ll tell you it’s ok for you to cry, to grieve the loss of these wonderful people. It will always be ok for you to grieve, and to talk about your family with me, whether it be about your foster family or birth family. But I do so hope that right now, at this moment, that you are happy where you are, as you should be, as you deserve to be.

We are now a mere 7 days away from meeting Hannah Claire Shi Lin. There really are no words to describe what I'm feeling, so I won't even try. If you've been down this road before, or are on the same kind of journey yourself, you know what I mean. There is no describing the feeling of your own, God-chosen child being on the other side of the world from you, while you wait desperately for the day you're allowed to go and get her. When you're pregnant with your child, even though you can't see her face, at least you have the comfort of having her right there with you all the time, keeping her safe. But this experience is so different. Not better or worse, just different.

My faith has been strengthened so much by this process. Since I cannot do one thing to ensure the safety and well-being of my child, I've had to completely give all my worries and anxiety over to my Heavenly Father, who is glad to take it in His hands and shape it into something else--the pure belief that He knows what He's doing, that He has a plan for me as His own adopted child, and that that plan includes adopting my own child. So no matter where Hannah is at this moment, He is still with her, and I believe He will protect her, until He draws us together into a moment where I can finally provide safety for her with my own arms.

Only Days Away

2010-04-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

We are now 7 days away from leaving for China! I can't believe it; one week away from leaving, and only 11 days from holding our baby in our arms!!!

I put together this slideshow to express what we've been feeling along this journey to our daughter. For those of you who are waiting for you child, or have been there before, I know you will identify with it. I hope it will touch everyone's heart with the understanding of how much we love our little girl, though she is so many miles away.

Traveling in TWO WEEKS!

2010-04-22T10:33:00.000-07:00

We are now two weeks from our travel date!!! I can't believe how fast this month has gone. We found out our travel date on April 1st, and the time has just flown by!

We are well on our way to having things packed. One area of our living room is covered with suitcases. I'm doing lots of laundry lately, and packing clothes as I go. We've went on a couple of shopping trips to get supplies for the trip, so those are all packed. We still have a few miscellaneous things to get and we're done! I so wanted to be packed and ready early, and it looks we will be! It will be such a load off my shoulders to do it this way. Hopefully, we'll be able to get up at 2 am on the 6th and not be too stressed with last-minute packing.

I wanted to post pictures of some more outfits I made for Hannah. Below is the first one. I sewed the dress, and crocheted the hat and purse. Then I bought the flower hair clips and just clipped them on. That way, I can change out the clips to coordinate with whatever outfit she's wearing. I just love this outfit!

I'm perhaps the most proud about the following dress. I had an Asian-style pattern that was crocheted on top and satin on bottom. It only went up to 18 months, but I desperately wanted to see Hannah wearing it while we were in China, her sitting on the red couch at the White Swan. So I did some calculations and enlarged the pattern. I think it actually came out a little big, but I'll bring a needle and thread with me to China and make any adjustments needed. I also reduced the pattern for her Bitty Baby doll, so she and her doll could match. I can't wait to see Hannah in her dress holding her doll!

I'm almost finished with Hannah's blanket, and I'll post some pictures as soon as I'm done. I have fabric for one more dress I wanted to make for her, but it may have to wait until some time after we get back.

Our China Itinerary

2010-04-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

We are now 16 days away from getting on the plane to China! For those who are interested, Chip made a pdf of our itinerary, complete with maps! To get the details on the plans for our trip, click here.

A Perfect Day

2010-04-15T07:58:00.000-07:00

If it's possible to have a perfect day, Tuesday was the closest I've come. First, a friend of mine watched Miles for me most of the day so I could get a lot done around the house. It was soooo nice to just work in silence, with no interruptions. Then, I opened the envelope my friend gave me as she picked up Miles, and discovered $300 for our expenses fund! Later, I discovered that the lady I buy raw milk from had donated $20, and that she wanted to give us two gallons of milk and a dozen eggs when we got back from China. I was already feeling so good after all this, when I checked my email and another friend said she wanted to bring us some dinners for those first few weeks when we get back. I could feel the presence of God, showing me He would take care of us through those around us. What a wonderful day I was having!

And it got EVEN BETTER! When I got home from picking up Miles, I checked the mailbox, and there sitting on top of the mail pile was a letter from China!!! I had included a postage-paid envelope in the last care package I sent to Hannah, asking her foster mother to please write to me about Hannah. I wasn't sure if I'd actually hear back from her, but there was the letter! I opened it, expecting that it would be in Chinese, and that I would have to wait and find someone to translate it. It was in Chinese, but as I looked through the pages, there was also an English translation of it! I can't express how happy I was at that moment!!!

The letter Hannah's foster mother wrote was straight from the heart. This woman loves this little girl dearly, as if she is her own daughter. She told me about Shi Lin when she first got her, how her physical developement progressed and how she learned to talk. She told me of little moments she remembers that will always be precious to her. At the end, she said she hopes we will be very fond of her and wished us the best.

If you've been in my situation, or are in it right now, you understand how precious this letter is to me. It tells me of a time with my daughter that I will never get to experience. Every word is a gift to me. It tells me that my little Shi Lin has been loved as a daughter, and that she knows the meaning of family. I can never thank her foster mother enough. That letter will be among my most precious treasures in this life.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, will be one of those days that stand out in the memories of my life. Thank you to all of you who opened your hearts and made it such a special day!

We Need a Little Help

2010-04-10T18:37:00.000-07:00

Chip and I talked it over, and although we didn't want to ask anyone for money related to the adoption, we've decided we need to. We've already saved (and gotten loans for) everything for the adoption itself, but now we just need funds for expenses while in China. These expenses will include food, transportation (taxis), other miscellaneous expenses, and/or emergency or other unforseen expenses. Also, Chip recently got a paycut, and that combined with saving for the adoption will leave us with very little left when we get back home. Chip will get a paycheck about a week after we get back, so we'll need just enought to get us through that week.

We're unable to take out any more loans, so we have no other option than to ask for the money from our friends.

If you can give anything at all, please do. Just click on the "ChipIn!" box, and it will take you to PayPal to make a donation. It will all add up, and EVERY BIT will help. Thank you so much!

Praise the Lord!!!

2010-04-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

I never knew we could request more infomation on our daughter from our agency, but I decided to try recently. I asked a few questions about her, but the most important one I wanted answered was about her hearing. The only information on her hearing we have on her just says "poor." So I didn't know what to expect. So I asked how well she can hear. To my delight and utter amazement, they said Shi Lin has no trouble with hearing!!! I really already felt this in my heart, but I wanted to prepare myself for the possibility of hearing issues we would need to help her overcome. So now, a huge burden has been lifted off of my shoulders! I feel so blessed, and that Shi Lin is so blessed.

This news will help everyone's transition be a little smoother, I think. We'll all be able to comunicate verbally as we try to speak what little Mandarin we know, and as she learns to speak words in English. That's the other thing. This means she should have no trouble with hearing our language and learning to speak it. Praise the Lord!!!

New Photos and We Have Our Travel Date!!!

2010-04-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got an email from our travel advisor and she said we'd know our travel date the next day. So I woke up this morning and thought, "Wouldn't it be so awesome if we got new pictures of Hannah on the same day we got our travel date." I didn't think we really would, so I didn't check my email right away. But when I did, there they were--the photos from Hannah's birthday party!

It looks like she had wonderful party, and now we get to see that she has a foster father too. They both seem to really love her, and I can't blame them. She's so adorable and seems so sweet! I know now more than ever that it will be tough on all of them when she leaves them next month.

Speaking of next month, drum roll, please...our travel date is May 6th!!! And Gotcha Day is May 10th!!! We finally know when we will meet our little girl!

Now I'm really motivated to get the rest of my projects done for Hannah. I have another dress, a blanket, a purse, and a doll dress to make. I just hope I can get to them today. I've spent all morning printing photos and calling people, and now I need to let everyone know on facebook!

We are now at 35 days and counting!

Dancing Stars Help with the Wait

2010-03-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars, and toward the end, I realized something. Before this season is over I'll be in China with my little girl, probably even be bringing her home! Wow, that thought makes it REALLY seem close.

Last week I heard from our travel advisor again, and she informed me that our Article 5's were taken from the American Consulate in China over to the CCAA. The Article 5's are the paperwork that approves us to adopt Hannah. From this point, it should be 2-3 weeks until we get our travel date! She also said that she estimates we'll travel the last week in April.

Even though I like the cast of Dancing with the Stars this season, it just somehow doesn't seem quite as exciting as usual. It can't hope to compare to the excitement I have of meeting my daughter for the first time, but I'm hoping it will help the time go by faster during these last weeks.

Birthday Care Package

2010-03-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

Shi Lin's birthday was on February 26, and we sent a care package on the 16th, but since it took 3 weeks and one day to arrive in China, she still hasn't actually gotten it yet. Ann at Red Thread China emailed to let me know she got it, and then she added the items we ordered from her to it and took a picture of it all. She mailed it a couple of days ago, so Shi Lin should get it within the next couple of days. She said in the email that she would get her birthday cake after she got the package.

In her package, I included a couple of outfits, one 3T and one 4T, and in the note to Shi Lin's foster mom, I asked her to photograph her in the outfit that fits her best. That way, I'll have a better idea of what size she wears, and what size clothes to bring when we go to China. I also included two wrapped gifts for her to open; one is a little jeweled crown and the other is a little set from Fisher-Price called Precious Places, Willow the Woodland Princess. It's a really cute set with a tiny little princess, a hat, a tea set and some chipmunks. I chose Willow because she has black hair and brown eyes, just like my girl!

In the package, I also put another photo album, with more photos of extended family, and a framed family portrait of us. The birthday package we ordered from Ann included a doll, candy, a camera and a birthday cake, and then I added a bag for her to put her belongings in when they bring her to us.

I can't wait for Shi Lin to get her presents, and wish I could be there to see her open them. I also can't wait until sometime within the next week or so when we'll probably get new pictures of our little princess! I put in the note to the foster mother to please take pictures of her enjoying her presents. I also put a self-addressed, postage paid envelope in the package, and asked the foster mother to write me a letter telling me all about Shi Lin. I really hope she does this! I got the idea from a friend who did the same thing, not expecting to actually get a letter back, but did! It may be hard for a lot of people to understand, but when your child is thousands of miles away from you, every little tidbit of information you can get about them means the world to you. So that letter, if it comes, will be something I'll treasure forever.

I'm still hanging on, thinking that any day now we'll get a call or an email telling us our travel date. I'm still sewing outfits for Hannah, and now I'm crocheting too. Waiting for her has really reawakened my creative side, and that is such a blessing! I used to be a more creative person, but had gotten so burnt out between college and then my portrait business, but now I feel revived! My little China doll is already bringing so much good into my life.

Estimated Travel Date and Creative Therapy

2010-03-08T11:37:00.000-08:00

We found out recently that our estimated travel date is April 23! We were filling out our Visa applications, and were told to put this date down as the estimated date. It's later than we had hoped, but is still so close, I'm not complaining!

A blogger friend of mine has posted about retail therapy helping her through the wait for her daughter, and I so agree! That helps, and something else that works for me is, well, "creative therapy," I guess is what I'll call it. What I mean is I'm obsessed right now with making my own clothes for Hannah. I like styles that are a little different than what you can usually find in the stores, and even when I find them online, they are so expensive. And I like the fact that no one else will have the exact same outfit as Hannah. Below is the first outfit I did. I'm now working on a dress, and ordered two absolutely adorable patterns from Portabello Pixie. I'll be working on a dress from one of those patterns as soon as I finish the current dress. Portabello Pixie patterns are designed by Sandi Henderson, who also designs fabrics. If you haven't seen her work, stop by her website and blog. I fell in love with them immediately when I saw them!

Here is the first outfit for Hannah I completed:

A detail of one of the ruffled pockets:

I also made a matching hair bow (I'm a little obsessed with hairbows right now too!

In addition to sewing, my sister got me interested in crocheting again, so I'm working on a practice hat right now. Once I'm done with that, I'll go get some new yarn and do a hat that will coordinate with one of Hannah's new outfits. I'll post some pictures of the finished projects soon.

I just can't wait to get Hannah into all these adorable outfits!

Happy Birthday, Darling

2010-02-25T19:17:00.000-08:00

My little empress is turning 4 today! I sent a birthday care package last week, but it probably hasn't arrived yet, so I hope Shi Lin's foster mother will do something special for her. I wish so bad I could celebrate with her. It's such a strange feeling to not be with my child on her birthday.

It was a little over six months ago that I first saw Shi Lin's precious face in those referral pictures. I had wished so bad that we could be going to China around her birthday, but it was not to be. I can't wait for all the future birthdays she'll celebrate with us! I was at the store a few weeks ago looking for birthday decorations for Miles's party, and Tinkerbell and her friends caught my eye. I wanted so bad to be buying those for Hannah's party. I've never gotten to do a "girly" birthday theme. I'll get to next year for sure!

I know Shi Lin has no idea how much I love her and will be thinking about her all day (if it's even possible for me to think about her more than I already do!). I wish she could know that I hope she has the best and happiest birthday a four-year-old can have.

At the top of this post is the cover of the birthday card I made for Shi Lin and sent with her package. It says, "Happy Birthday, Darling," and on the inside I put, "Happy Birthday, We Love You."

Just One Child

2010-02-09T13:33:00.001-08:00

I was talking with another adoptive mother the other day, and she mentioned an idea that really struck me. What if every family in the United States adopted just one child? What an idea! What a dent we could put in the number of orphans there are in the world! And it would be so simple!

Now I know that not every family in the U.S. is able to adopt a child, for various reasons, but I believe there are WAY more that could but do not. For many, the thought has never even occurred to them. For some, they've thought about it, but don't think it's for them. Others think it's too expensive. Or they think it will be more trouble than having a child by birth. Some have fertility issues, but are determined to find a way to have their "own" biological child. And some of those people, after exhausting all attempts at having children, still don't consider adoption. There are so many reasons and excuses for not adopting. And I do know it's not an ideal situation for everyone. But I just wish more people would be open to the idea of it, just entertain it in their thoughts for a while. Read about it, find others who've adopted and see what it's been like for them.

Millions of children around the world will never know what it's like to call someone "Mommy" or "Daddy." They'll never experience the comfort of a kiss or a hug from a parent. They'll never sit at the table at dinner time, discussing the days events. They'll miss out on having someone cheer them on at a tee ball game or clap for them at a dance recital. Or just simply knowing their parents are right there in the next room if they need them for anything. These are simple, everyday things that children born to a forever family take for granted. And we as parents (or future parents) take these things for granted too. It's too easy to forget that not all children are as blessed as ours. So we take the easy way out and continue to forget. This should not be so.

I'm not trying to guilt-trip anyone, or act like I'm better than anyone else because I'm adopting a child. It's not like that at all. It's just that I'm so much more aware of the plight of orphans now that I'm in the adoption process, and I've made it my life's mission to raise awareness of adoption , so that maybe I can reach families who never thought of it as an option for them.

Please spread the word in any way you can. Use my story if you want as a conversation starter. And pray, pray, pray for more people to think of these children and how one of them could be their own. A child is a child, whether they were born in the United States, China, Russia, or any other country. And children bring so much joy to us, no matter how they come to us. Just imagine, if every family that could adopt would adopt just one child. Give just one child support, just one child a home, just one child parents and a family. A family that they could call their own forever. I can't think of many better things that could be done in this world.

The Joys of Waiting

2010-02-03T10:04:00.000-08:00

While we are waiting for the news of when we can travel to get Hannah, sometimes I get a little impatient (well, maybe more than a little!). But other times I stop and think about that I need to actually enjoy this time, instead of just letting it go by with anxiety and impatience. I realize that I've only got, at the most, about two more months, to have things the way they are in our family right now, with just Chip, Miles and myself. Only two more months to be the mother of an only child. Only two more months to have so much one-on-one time with my son.

It's not that I'm saying once Hannah is here, that it will not be as good as it is now. It will be just as good, probably even better in a lot of ways. But it will be different. The dynamics of our family will change--forever. This is such a good and wonderful thing, but it will take some adjustment for all of us. While I love change, I can't help but feel a little saddened at the passing of a phase in our lives. I'm sure many parents feel this when they have their second child.

What I'm trying my best to do right now is to just soak up what life is like for us at this point. To consciously notice the way things are so that I'll remember this time fondly, instead of remembering all the stress and anxiety of waiting. This short time before we bring our daughter home matters. It matters a lot. It has helped me to live in the present, something I've known I needed to work on for a long time. I've been living concentrating on the future for many years. When Chip and I were engaged, all I could think about was getting married. After we said, "I do," all I could think about was buying a house. Then when we bought our house, I was still in college, so all I could think about was graduating. After graduation, all I could think about was having a baby. It seemed that every time we reached the next step, I was already on to obsessing over what was next. Rather than enjoying the milestone we had reached, my mind was elsewhere, in a time that hadn't come yet. How sad to work so hard for something, then not to enjoy it.

So here I am now, thinking so much about the future again. It's very hard not to think about our daughter, whom I already love so deeply. But I've realized that God chose her for us and is paving our path to her. We will get her at the right time, in God's time, so there's really no need to worry or stress over when it will be. It will come eventually. I'm so thankful that we don't have a 3-4 year wait like so many others do. But even when we were originally on the 3-4 year plan, I still had this attitude, and it would have been what had gotten me through that long wait.

I'm using this experience to remember to have patience when I'm waiting for something in my life, whatever it may be. To slow down and enjoy the present, and steal those precious moments with those I love the most. For this day shall never come again.

Shower

2010-01-24T04:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my sister and a good friend of mine threw a shower for Hannah. I knew they were going to do an Asian theme, but I had no idea how much they would do! My sister, the dessert queen, made a beautiful chocolate cake shaped like a moon cake and a gelatin dessert with intricate Asian designs on top. She also made rice balls and fried up some spring rolls. My friend brought fried rice and wontons with duck sauce. She also supplied all the decorations, including orchids for the tables, decorative rocks, gold and white table cloths, and some really pretty Chinese napkins. They both brought various teas, which we drank out of my friend's China that her grandmother had given her. I thought they really outdid themselves and was so touched by all the work they put into it.

The amazing hostesses (my friend, left, and my sister, right):

My friend brought an origami kit, and we were all struggling to understand the instructions! I did manage to make two sailboats and a pelican though! My friend had the awesome idea of using the objects we created to make a mobile to hang from the ceiling of the kids' room. Miles already has several things hanging up now, and we need to add some girl stuff, so this will be perfect!

My sister's cake:

Me about to eat a wonton:

One of the adorable outfits we received for Hannah:

My sister and I. My sister had discovered an Asian market in Fort Worth and was so excited sharing with me all the cool stuff she saw. She brought me a little bamboo bowl filled with Chinese soap she found there. I have the best sister, who is also one of my best friends!

Left to right: My brother's fiance, me, my sister and my mother:

Another good friend of mine. Miles and her daughter have been in a playgroup together since they were two years old.

One of the best, sweetest friends, in this world:

Getting the new pictures of Hannah on Monday, and then this shower, just makes it seem so much more real that our daughter will actually be home with us soon! Feeling more real also makes it a little harder to wait!

Yesterday I was feeling how blessed I am to have the best family and friends there are, and how blessed Hannah will be to come home to that. This was a shower preparing for the homecoming of a little girl, and while she received lots of wonderful "things," more than anything else, this was truly a shower of love.

Chip and Miles had been out all day while we ladies had the shower. They came home in the afternoon and we ended the day by meeting with our local FCC group (Families with Children from China). They have dinner every month at a Chinese restaurant, and it had been a few months since we'd seen everyone. We brought a photo album with Hannah's pictures to show everyone, and they were all so excited for us. We talked for a long time with a few of them, and they had such wonderful advice and encouragement for us. I told Chip on the way home that I just love the emotional connections we're making through this adoption process. Strangers become instant friends because of the common love we have for our children. Adoption from China has turned out to be even more wonderful that I had expected!

Why We Love Our Children

2010-01-21T17:52:00.000-08:00

A thought came to me recently, something that I never thought about before being in the adoption process. The thought I had is really a question: why do we love our children? I wondered this because I've heard people say "I couldn't love an adopted child as much as my biological child," or " I couldn't love someone else's child." These ideas really made me wonder, what is it that actually makes us love our children? It can't just be that they are our flesh and blood; there are too many cases of abuse and neglect in the world for that to be the answer. And being in this adoption process, though I've never met my daughter, I know I already love her dearly, every bit as much as I love my birth son. How is this possible? I wondered. Then the obvious occurred to me. It's the fact that God gives us our children, in whatever way He chooses, that we have that love for a child, whether they are born to us biologically, or born to us in our hearts. "Biological" or "birth" really means little in this time-based, earthly world, when it comes to loving a child. One day this will all pass away, and what will be left is the essence of who we are, our spirit. When God joins spirits in this life, regardless of the method of them being joined, it's a powerful connection that transcends flesh and blood. It is the love of God that He personally puts into our hearts to love our child, and to Him it doesn't matter if that child is blood-related to us or not. That is why we love our children, period.

PICTURES!!!

2010-01-18T07:42:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness, this morning I got an email from Ann at Red Thread China that had pictures of Shi Lin attached!!! I had no idea she'd be able to get pictures to us so soon! When I realized there were pictures attached, I burst into happy tears. I already had a few pictures of her, but they were not current, not very clear, and didn't really show me what her life is like. But these new ones affirm to me that she is very well taken care of, something I've prayed so hard about. And Shi Lin is absolutely adorable! I don't know if her foster mother knows how much joy she brought to me when she took pictures of her with ponytails! It's just how I always imagined her! Actually, she's even cuter than I imagined!

With her foster mother, whom I am so grateful to for taking such good care of my little empress:

My favorite shot. The very first one at the top was cropped in from this one. Isn't she the most adorable little girl you've ever seen?! I can't wait to kiss those cheeks!

Care Package

2010-01-17T13:32:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday we ordered a care package from http://www.redthreadchina.com/ to be sent to our little Shi Lin. Red Thread China is a company in China run by a lady named Ann that specializes in sending care packages to children waiting to be adopted. We ordered a package that included pajamas, a doll, and a blanket for our little ladybug. With the package, we could email Ann a letter to Shi Lin, which Ann translated into Chinese for us so her foster mother can read it to her, and a list of questions for the foster mother about our daughter. There was also a camera, so she can take pictures of her in her daily activities, and candy for the foster mother and any foster children or friends of our daughter. To this care package we added a photo album. I photoshoped Chinese captions onto photos of us and emailed them to Ann, and he printed them out and put them in the photo album for us.

I received an email today with attached photos of the actual package that will be delivered to Shi Lin. I was so excited to get this email! Our first contact with our daughter! The email said that she should receive the package in a few days. The thought of Shi Lin seeing pictures of us and knowing we are her family just brings me so much joy! I wonder what she will think of it all!

According to what I've heard from others who have used Red Thread China, after the pictures were taken, Ann got the camera back and emailed the pictures to the parents. I'm hoping we'll get to see some updated pictures of our little girl soon!

Bitty Baby

2010-01-12T06:40:00.000-08:00

Today I ordered a doll to bring to Hannah when we go to China. I'm so excited about this doll because it's an American Girl Bitty Baby doll! I have loved the American Girl dolls since I was 12 or 13, but never got to get one of my own. I'm so thrilled to be able to get one for my daughter! I ordered the Asian one with "almond-shaped" eyes. It's so adorable! I hope Hannah loves it as much as I do!

Preparing to Post from China

2010-01-10T19:51:00.001-08:00

In just a few short months we'll be in China, and we're scrambling to get things ready for our little empress to come home with us. One thing I've thought about is that I'd like to be able to post little updates on this blog while we're there. I've heard that in some places in China Blogger is blocked, or is in Chinese, but I found out you can post via email. I'm so glad to learn this is possible! So this post is a test to see if it works for me.

I'm Special

2010-01-02T16:53:00.000-08:00

I found this poem on the blog of a new online friend who is also waiting for her dear little daughter from China. Her daughter, like ours, has microtia, and this poem is so appropriate for our precious girls:

I'm Special

On my way from Heaven,
God delayed my trip that day.
He said that I was special,
and then sent me on my way.
But not before he kissed me,
Right upon my ear
He left his blessed mark
to carry with me here.
He whispered in my ear right then,
that He loved me without doubt,
and then He closed my ear up tight,
so the whisper won't get out.
He told me both my legs were strong
and would help me stand up tall.
He told me both my arms would work
to catch me if I fall.
My eyes would catch my memories
to store within the pages of my mind,
My heart would fill with all the things I would love,
so many things, I would find.
He told me I could fall asleep
to my Daddy's bedtime tales,
and listen while my Mother sings
of seas and boats with sails.
One ear, He told me, could hear the sounds
that little birdies make.
The other ear was His gift to me,
a blessing for my sake.
For when I'm feeling sad, He said,
my other ear would hear,
His whispered words of eternal love,
left waiting for me there.

(Author Unknown)

Our Darling Daughter

2009-12-31T05:26:00.001-08:00

I thought that we had to wait until our LSC was signed and back in China before we could post pictures of Shi Lin (Hannah's Chinese name), but I found out we can post them now! I've been waiting since August to do this!

This is the first photo I saw of Shi Lin when I got the informational documents on her:

In the next to photos, she was about 18 months:

This photo shows a close-up of her ear. She has what is called "microtia," which is an ear deformity. I struggled over whether to post this one, because I don't want people thinking of her only as a child with a deformity, because she is much more than that. Then I realized I don't want people to be uncomfortable around her, so I want everyone to see her ear, get that part out of the way, and then when they see her in person, her ear won't really be an issue, and they can concentrate on getting to know the amazing little person I know she is.

Needless to say, I think Shi Lin is the most beautiful little girl I've ever laid eyes on, and can't wait to hold her in my arms. From what we read about her, she is quiet and shy (like her Mommy) and loves to be held. Aside from the information we have about her, I have strong feelings that come from God, I believe, that she has a sweet spirit, that she will fit in so well with our family and that things will go pretty smoothly for us.

We are told that we can now send Shi Lin care packages! I can't wait to do this! We can send photos of us that are labeled with who we are, so she can start to get familiar with us. In the care package we can also include gifts. I'm so glad she is old enough to understand the idea that she has a family now and see pictures of us, and know we are her family.

I already have four large plastic storage boxes full of clothes for Shi Lin, ranging from sizes 3 to 5, so something has to fit her! I recently bought a couple of nightgowns for her which I will probably bring with me to China. Now I've got to get socks and some other miscellaneous things. I'll probably bring a couple of outfits, but not really knowing her true size, we'll buy a few outfits for her while we're in China, when we have a better idea of what will fit her. I can't wait to see her in cute little girl's clothes!

We ask for continued prayer for Shi Lin, for her safety and care until we can go and get her within the next 2 or 3 months.

LSC!!!

2009-12-28T13:05:00.000-08:00

I just got a call from our agency that our Letter Seeking Confirmation, or LSC, has arrived in their office! What this means is that China has officially approved our adoption of Hannah! The paperwork will be overnighted to us, we'll send it to the Amercian Consulate, then they'll process it and send it back to the CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs). Once they receive it, they'll notify our daughter's foster mother that she has a family and we'll be able to start sending photos and gifts to our little Shi-Lin (Hannah's Chinese name). I'll also be able to get more photos of her and post them online for all to see!

This news would make my day on any day, but particularly on this day. Miles woke up early this morning with some kind of stomach bug and has had diarrhea and been throwing up most of the the day today, so the phone call I got from Great Wall was such a welcome surprise!

It looks like it will probably be late March or early to Mid April when we travel! We'll know for sure our travel date in 1 or 2 months from now!

L.I.D.!

2009-11-16T16:20:00.000-08:00

I got an email this afternoon notifying us that our Log-In-Date is October 23rd! This means that on October 23rd, our Dossier was logged-in to the CCAA's computer. Our travel date will be based on this date, and everyone who has the same LID as ours will travel to China at the same time. I don't know how they determine when our travel date will be, so at this point, I'm still assuming it will be 5-8 months from now, although, I have heard of it happening sooner for some people. So we just need to be prepared for the possibility of it happening fast, just in case!

We are now waiting for our Letter Seeking Confirmation, which, as I understand it, will be the final, "official" approval for us to adopt Shi-Lin, and we'll be getting emails updating us on where our Dossier is in the process.

Orphan Sunday

2009-10-28T12:24:00.000-07:00

I was just listening to a broadcast on the Focus on the Family website, and at the end they mentioned "Orphan Sunday." I've never heard of this, and apparently, this is the first official one. It's on Sunday, November 8th, and is to raise awareness of adoption and helping to take care of orphans. From what I understand, churches around the country will be holding Orphan Sunday events, and there will be a live event on their website, http://www.orphansunday.org/.

I feel it's one of my life's missions to raise awareness about children around the world who will never have the chance to know what it's like to be part of a loving family if no one adopts them. I plan on watching the Orphan Sunday event, and I hope others reading this will too. If you're reading this blog, you obviously have some interest in adoption, so please take every opportunity to spread the word about what a wonderful thing it is. And if you're thinking about adding to your family, please consider adoption as a way to do that. Remember those millions of children who only want someone to call "Mommy" and "Daddy," that children are children no matter where they come from and that they can add so much to our lives and we to theirs.

Dossier in China!

2009-10-19T09:14:00.000-07:00

I got a call from our Dossier Consultant at Great Wall last week, and she said our Dossier has arrived in China! It seems like it's been a long journey to this point, and it was so good to hear. From here, we are waiting on our Log-in-Date, or "LID." It could take up to 2 months for us to receive this date. We're also waiting on our official approval to adopt Hannah, and I'm not exactly sure when to expect this.

About a month before we travel to China, we'll get our Travel Approval, or "TA." We don't know when that will be, but we're told 6-9 months from now. So we're looking at sometime between April and July of next year as the time when we'll finally be able to go get our little girl.

I've taken a couple of the online Hague Training classes, and am looking forward to taking the rest of them. I've read one book, Silent Tears, by Kay Bratt, which is a very eye-opening true story of an American woman living in China who volunteers to help take care of children in an orphanage. I pray every day that Hannah is living in better conditions than the children in that book. According to the information we have, she is in foster care and is very close to her foster mother, so I hope that means she has it better than a lot of the stories I've heard.

I'm now reading another book, which seems good so far, The Connected Child, by Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross and Wendy Lyons Sunshine. So far it is really good, making me aware of how we'll need to treat Hannah for a while, giving her all the love and nurturing she may have missed out on and devoting our time to making her feel safe and secure, before taking her out to be around a lot of people. Please keep us in your prayers that God will prepare us with what we need to handle whatever Hannah's needs are.

Miles and I are learning some Mandarin words and phrases in hopes that it will help to ease Hannah's transition to her new life. So far we know "hello," "goodbye," "I love you," and "Let's read a book." I found a wonderful website (http://www.wku.edu/~yuanh/AudioChinese/parent.html) that has lots of phrases specifically for parents who are adopting from China. I also am occasionally listening to a CD that teaches Mandarin, but the website I mentioned is better for our needs. There are lots of practical phrases, like, "I need to go to the potty," etc., that will help us a lot more than things like, "Can you speak English?" Miles picks up the words and phrases faster than I do, to the point that I keep having to ask him, "Now how do you say that again?", and he usually instantly replies with the correct answer!

So that's what we're doing right now, using this long waiting period to prepare for Hannah's arrival home. We won't hear any news for a while, and there's no more paperwork to gather, so now we have time to concentrate on everything else. We're planning to have a realtor over by the end of the month to look at the house, in hopes to sell it soon, and get into a larger house before we go to China. We could certainly bring Hannah home to this house, but it would be pretty cramped, and we'd like to be a little ways out of town and have more space outside for her and Miles to run around and play together. Please keep us in your prayers about this too.

Dossier Submitted

2009-09-28T13:06:00.001-07:00

Well, we finally made it--finally got all the paperwork filled out, letters written, appointments made, then everything notarized, certified and authenticated, and this morning I FedExed our Dossier to our adoption agency. If all goes well, if everything is there and complete and correct, they'll be sending to China on Friday! It's a huge relief to be done with this part of the process.

Next, Chip and I will be taking online classes to fulfill the 10-hour Hague Training requirement. I'm really looking forward to doing this, because the classes will cover issues like attachment and bonding, traveling to pick up your child, what life is like inside an orphanage, becoming a family, etc., a lot of things I've been wondering about and want to be prepared for.

Beyond that, we'll be waiting for our DTC date, which is the date our Dossier arrives in China. When we travel will be based on this date. We'll also be getting our "official" approval from China, and then we can post photos of our little cutie! Hopefully it won't be too long!

I was thinking the other day of a song that makes me think of Hannah, of longing for her and wishing she were not so far away, but at the same time gives me strength to hang on until the day we meet her:

SOMEWHERE OUT THERE

Somewhere out there,
Beneath the pale blue night,
Someone's thinking of me,
And loving me tonight.
Somewhere out there,
Someone's saying a prayer,
Then we'll find one another,
In that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star,
And when the night will start to sing
A lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the
Same big sky.

Somewhere out there,
If love can see us through,
Then, we'll be together,
Somewhere out there,
out where dreams, come true.

We Found Hannah!

2009-08-17T06:09:00.000-07:00

I didn't think it would happen this soon, but we found Hannah!!! On Thursday I requested information on a little girl from the shared list of waiting children. Friday afternoon I got an email with her file attached. I forwarded the file to Chip while he was at work and then I called him. We discussed it quickly, then I called the Waiting Child Program Manager at Great Wall, and talked with her about how everything works. Basically, if we wanted to consider this child to adopt, we would need to "lock" her file to prevent anyone else from looking at it. She recommended that we have a doctor who specializes in international adoption look over her file first, but we decided to go with our heart, skip that step, and move forward. The information in her file told us she is healthy and we just felt that this little girl was Hannah.

Hannah is 3 and a half years old and was born with microtia of her left ear. "Microtia" means "abnormal smallness of the external ear." We've done research on this condition, and found that most children with this condition have normal hearing in the ear not affected with microtia, and in some cases, treatment is available to restore their hearing in the affected ear. There are also amazing treatments available to reconstruct the external ear to a more "normal" appearance.

Our daughter is a beautiful little girl, such a little cutie! She was born in February of 2006, so she's right at 2 years younger than Miles. We are told that it should be 7-9 months until we travel to China to get her. We can't wait to have two kids running around here!

Thank you for all your prayers thus far. Please continue to pray for us and for Hannah.

Waiting Child

2009-08-01T17:47:00.001-07:00

Chip and I decided recently that we would like to adopt a little bit older child after all. In the beginning of thinking of adoption, this is what we wanted, a little girl closer in age to Miles so that they would grow up together and have a closer bond. Then after talking with our social worker and learning about the harsh conditions in some Chinese orphanages, we thought we might should adopt an infant. But lately, it has weighed heavily on our hearts that we really want a little girl 2-3 years younger than Miles. We want them both to have a playmate close to their age, someone in our family to identify with and someone with whom to share common memories of growing up.

We've prayed about this and it just feels like the right thing for us to do. As a result of this change, we are now pursuing the "waiting child" program, and are looking for a little girl with some possible mild special needs. Because of switching programs, we may have our little Hannah with us much sooner than we had thought, within 7-9 months, as opposed to 3+ years, if we find her soon. I say "find" her because with the waiting child program, we have the opportunity to look at available children beforehand and request information on them. Then, when we decide to pursue a particular child and everything goes well, that is the child we get to adopt. So, rather than someone else matching us with a child, we have more of a say in being matched.

We ask that you all keep us in your prayers about finding Hannah. We know that God has already chosen her for us; he knows exactly which little girl is our Hannah Claire. She is somewhere in China right now waiting for us to come and get her. Knowing that is exciting in a way, but also makes me more apprehensive and so anxious to finally see her in person. We need prayers for patience and for God's guidance.

Approved at Last!!!

2009-05-12T10:23:00.000-07:00

We've been waiting several weeks, but our home study has finally been approved!!! We can now go forward with completing the I-800A, which is the last major document that we have to submit and have processed. It still may be a few more months, but we are now well on our way to getting everything in our dossier submitted! What a relief!

Home Study Submitted

2009-03-31T09:12:00.001-07:00

Well, we finally got in all our paperwork for the Home Study into our social worker last week, and she submitted it for review to Great Wall. It takes about 3 weeks to find out if it's approved, and there are usually changes that need to be made. So it will probably be a several weeks before we know for sure that we are once and for all eligible to adopt.

One Step Closer

2009-03-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

Week before last we sent off our adoption documents to Austin to be certified by the Secretary of State, then got them back yesterday. So I made copies of everything and this morning repackaged them and sent them to the Chinese Consulate in Houston, where the documents will be authenticated, meaning we are one step closer to getting all our documents ready to submit our dossier to our adoption agency, Great Wall China Adoptions.

We applied for our passports about 3 weeks ago and had to provide certified birth certificates that were sent in with the applications. I didn't think to make photocopies of the birth certificates, which I now need to complete our home study, so I'm going to check the status of our passports tonight. If it looks like it will be a while before we get them back, we'll go ahead and order more birth certificates so we can finally get our home study in to Great Wall and, Lord willing, approved.

As I said in my previous post, as much as a pain as this "paperchase" might seem, I actually find it enjoyable! I guess it's kind of like pregnancy. For those of us who had a very uncomfortable one, it was a pain that was not without reward. And that's how I see the hassle of assembling all the paperwork. At the very end, when I'm standing there holding my baby in my arms, I will know all that "labor" (and years of waiting) was SO worth it!

Paperwork Pregnancy

2009-02-24T10:30:00.001-08:00

I've heard people refer to the process of adoption as a "paperwork pregnancy" before, and now I see why! We are slowly but surely getting all the paperwork filled out and notarized, then getting ready to send it to Austin to be certified, then to Houston to be authenticated. Tomorrow we're all three going to apply for passports and get police reports, as well as getting some more documents notarized afterward. Miles and I have had our shots and physicals, and Chip's physical is scheduled for Friday. At times it seems a little overwhelming, but overall, it's really not as bad as I thought it would be. I put off even getting started on it all for a long time (too long), but now that we've started, it's actually moving along pretty quickly.

I'm actually finding recently that I'm enjoying this part of the process! I like the challenge of getting it all done, knowing that all the hard work will lead us to the reward of our precious daughter.

Hoping for a Baby

2008-12-15T17:58:00.000-08:00

Miles and I met our social worker a couple of weeks ago, then yesterday afternoon, she came to our house to meet Chip and my parents. She talked to us about the process of adoption, and told us the hard truth about the conditions that many Chinese orphans live in. It was so difficult for me to hear, but I needed to hear it. Because of what we heard about the harsh and horrendous life those children have, Chip and I have decided to request a younger child. Before, we had wanted an 18-month to 24-month old, but now we want as young as we can get, so that our child will have to endure those conditions for as little time as possible.

I'm very excited about the prospect of getting a baby! For a while I resisted the idea, but lately, even before our social worker's home visit, my motherly instinct started kicking in again and I found myself wanting to know my second child as a baby, to have those baby pictures to look back on and to have those baby memories. Of course, it is up to God what age child we actually get, but I am praying for a baby now and I so look forward to doing the baby stuff a second time around (well, except for maybe the changing diapers part!).

Please keep us in your prayers as we continue on our journey. We are now starting to really get the paperwork together and I'm beginning to feel a little overwhelmed. But with God's strength, we'll make it through.

Prayers Needed

2008-10-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I heard the sad news that my cousin and her husband decided to terminate their agreement with their adoption agency. I know this was a very hard decision for them to make, and I think everyone involved is heartbroken. Please keep them in your prayers as they deal with this great disappointment in their lives.

Progress!!

2008-10-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

We raised enough money to send in our first contract fee for the adoption on Friday!! We're so excited about this, because it means that now things will start moving a little. Now we're waiting to set up our first home study, and in the meantime, we're scheduling physicals and immunizations, working on our autobiographies and getting passports, etc. We'll have a mountain of paper work to get together (called a "dossier") over the next several months, which will then be sent to China.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers about the adoption. God has blessed us so much already in the adoption process and we pray that He will continue to do so.

A Chinese-Inspired Day

2008-08-24T17:23:00.000-07:00

Chip has always had a love for Asian cultures, and now that we are going to adopt from China, I am beginning to share that love. I never thought it would happen, but now I'm absolutely fascinated with anything Asian, particularly Chinese, of course. The fact that Chip and I now have another common interest is just one of the few ways this adoption has already brought us closer.

Since we are saving for the adoption, we've started looking for things to do around DFW that are free or low-cost. While doing an internet search yesterday morning, I came across the Crow Collection of Asian Art, which is a museum in the art district of downtown Dallas. I couldn't believe it when I found out that admission is free!! I was so excited to tell Chip about it, and when he got up, we got ready and headed to Dallas.

It's hard to describe how I felt going to this museum, or how I feel anytime I encounter a new Asian-related experience. Lately, Chip and I can't get enough Chinese food, and are always on the lookout for Chinese things. It's as if these things somehow make us feel closer to China and our daughter; if we can't go to China right now and get her, then we'll do everything we can to feel connected to her, even if it is in such a small way.

The museum was wonderful! The current first-floor exhibit is all Chinese art, most of it centuries old, mostly sculpture, and a few ink drawings. The next floor has more sculpture, and a central room where we were invited to come in and learn about Chinese lion dances. We went in and watched as two young Chinese Americans told us about how the lions are made for parades and parties, and then they demonstrated how to put on the lion costume and how it is operated to perfom the dances. Then they invited the children to come and get in the costumes and Miles had a ball! What a wonderful learning experience for him!

We then got to see an amazing exhibit of work by Chinese photographers who documented the changes Chinese culture has been going through, and the contrast between the modern and the ancient.

The highlight of the day was when we paid a visit to a 73-year-old caligraphy artist back down on the first floor. We learned his name is Thomas Wu, and that he came to America from China when he was 17 1/2 . He was such a joy to talk with. He asked us what he could write for us, and we said "family". So wrote with his big caligraphy brush the Chinese character for "family" on an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper. He then asked us what we were going to do with it, and when we told him we wanted to frame it and hang it on our wall at home, and that we are going to adopt a little girl from China, he said he wanted to write something else for us, something that you would actually find hanging in a traditional Chinese home. We were delighted, and watched as brought out a large roll of paper and with beautiful, artistic strokes, wrote 4 characters stacked, and told us the translation, in his own words: "Welcome all the good stuff and receiving fortune." After he gave it to us, he pulled out some more paper from the roll and said he wanted to do another one for us. This time, the translation was, "Home of peaceful and harmonious." We were so touched, because he seemed to be wishing us all the best of blessings in our family. Then he went on to ask us if Miles was 4, and if he would be starting pre-k soon. We answered "yes," and he proceeded to pull out another sheet of paper and wrote the Chinese characters for "kindergarten," translated as "young, naive garden." What a pleasure it was to meet this sweet man.

"Welcome all the good stuff and receiving fortune."

We ended our day with meal at a Chinese restaurant back in Denton. We had bought Miles a pair of children's chopsticks at the museum gift shop, and he ate his dinner with them proudly. What wonderful little experiences our decision to adopt from China has brought to us, and we look forward to the many more we will have in the years to come.

A Prayer Answered

2008-08-23T04:22:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday night we found out my cousin, Paula, and her husband were inspired by us to adopt a little girl from China too! I'm sure they didn't know it when they made their decision, but I had prayed that someone in our family would do this, so that our little Hannah would have a Chinese cousin! God is so good to us; so often has He listened to our prayers and granted them!

I ask for your prayers for my cousin and her family along their adoption journey as well. It is so exciting to be experiencing this at the same time with them. I just wish we lived closer. Another blessing has come out of this, though. My cousin and I have been out of touch for a few years now, and this has opened a line of communication for us again! Praise the Lord!

Our Long Journey Has Begun...

2008-08-22T14:11:00.000-07:00

A little over 2 months ago, Chip and I made the decision to adopt a little girl from China. Since then, we've done lots of research, picked an adoption agency (Great Wall China Adoption) and just this past Monday, we sent in our application. Two days later, I got a call from Great Wall in which they informed me our application has been approved! We are now working on getting the funds for the first contract fee, and it looks hopefull that we'll have it in 2 weeks to a month!

We are just so excited about this long journey we will make! If you haven't already read the story behind why we decided to adopt, you can read it on our fundraising website, http://www.bringhannahhome.org/our_story.htm. Needless to say, this is one of the most challenging situations we've ever been in, but feel the struggle of raising money and the long wait will be more than worth it when we finally see our daughter for the first time.

We ask for your prayers as we start this journey: That God will guide us in making the right decisions and that He will give us patience and strength during the next few trying years.